Reasons Why I Do Not Like Soccer (and some proposed solutions)

  1. Too low scoring. As a baseball fan I do enjoy the occasional pitcher’s duel, but most Major League games average over 4 runs per team per game. With soccer it is ridiculous, it is always a defensive battle. The solution is three balls in play at the same time. Better two white balls and one red ball, with the red worth three points instead of one! Not only will this increase the scoring, but it will increase the number of breaks in the game, this will allow more beer commercials to be shown.
  2. Too many ties. North Americans do not like vaguery, we want a clear winner and loser especially in a once every four years competition. It really get crazy in the bracket rounds of the World Cup when after a brief overtime, they go to penalty kicks. This would be like a baseball game ending in a tie after 12 innings and then deciding the winner by playing home run derby. Nonsense! I would like to see them keep playing until they fall down from exhaustion except for the goalies. How cool would that be? Goalie on goalie until one of the scores! Of course, adoption my three ball proposal would also help reduce the number of ties.
  3. The clock is not the clock. Again, this is a problem with vaguery. I mean really, only the referee knows when the game is going to actually end. I know they have added the approximate extra time, but still, it is way too arbitrary. Technology must exist to allow the referee to add this time exactly onto the clock. Oh, by the way, the time runs in the wrong direction. We want it to count down, not up. This ain’t track and field!
  4. This one is specific to this World Cup – vuvuzelas. Sorry, they are worse then the insidious thundersticks that occasionally make their way into various North American events. The worst offense being the 2002 World Series between the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the San Francisco Giants. There has got to be a way to filter this sound out of the feeds.

6 thoughts on “Reasons Why I Do Not Like Soccer (and some proposed solutions)

  1. 5. The field is way too big. Cut the field size in half and the number of goals will increase.

    6. Implement a shot clock as in basketball. Put the ball in the goal box within 24 seconds or hand it over to the other team.

  2. Ed: In reading this, it is almost as if we were watching this match together. I agree with each of your comments, but I really take offence to number three, The clock is not the clock. Are you kidding me. I had forgotten how much that annoyed me four years ago!! Gag Me!!

  3. My pet peeves are:
    1. Only one Referee to watch 22 player? Give me a break!

    2. No instant replay used to overide bad calls. You can see them on the BIG screen, but the ref can’t change their call. (like baseball, too). Today I watched Slovakia score the game’s only goal and my TIVO clearly shows that they had 2 players offside! I guess even the losing team wanted someone to score as they didn’t even object. (It was NZ and you know how “nice” Kiwis are!

    3. How about substituions? I say allow more of them so tired players can get off the field.

    4. Corner Kicks. No more than 2 players from each team (plus the goalie) inside the “box”.

    5. Header goals count double.

    6. Goals from over 50 feet could triple.

    7. Goals from midfield win the game automatically!

    8. Yellow card, remove the player

    9. Red card remove the coach and the player.

    10. Put cheerleaders on the sidelines so we can have them to watch when the game inevitably becomes “Kill the Clock”.

  4. Alright Guys – this is Hilarious! My youngest son, Aaron, played soccer competitively starting about junior high – and played all through high school. He was Great – and the teams he was on were great. I never understood ALL of the rules – but could very clearly see that it was a game that required serious planning, and a constant awareness of what was going on all over the field. It’s a Head Game of deep thinking!

    Loved Palozzo’s Comments!

  5. Ed,

    Loved it! I don’t understand what the attraction is either. The rules are confusing and apparently determined on the spot by the referee (or whatever he is) at will. Then having a whole swarm of buzzing fans makes me want to turn the sound off – then I’m really confused without some form of commentary.

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